


Like perfect Strangers

by Mado



Category: Cable and Deadpool
Genre: Humor, Kissing, M/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-13
Updated: 2012-03-13
Packaged: 2017-11-01 21:29:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/361462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mado/pseuds/Mado
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wade was pretty sure he could hear the sound of Tony’s brain breaking, and he couldn’t help but grin behind his mask.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old fic, written for the prompt : "Probably crack fic. I think that Deadpool has a lot of chemistry with his friends/enemies. Other than Cable, I can see Deadpool having a fun romp with Taskmaster, Bullseye, Wolverine, Sabertooth, Constrictor, etc.
> 
> So I'd like to see either slutty!Deadpool paired up with some or all of the aforementioned people."

Deadpool had to give Tony credit, he was good at the 'ignore it and it will go away' game, which would work perhaps... were he a child, or some sort of short attention spanned puppy. But no! He was an adult and he had his eye on the prize and wasn't going to give up no matter how much cold shoulder he was getting. 

It didn't stop him from almost taking on a childish whine to his voice however. "Come on Tasky, I'm bored, I've been bored for hours and it's not like there’s anything on tv worth watching unless you count that special on the mating habits of silver backed gorillas and believe me you’re better off going for the stuff on pay per view because they censor all the good shit.” Wade drapped himself over the back of the leather couch in the Taskmaster’s lush New York Apartment, watching with mild irritation as his fellow mercenary flipped through the three hundred some channels again. He didn’t even stop at the possible good stuff! Like Gilmore Girls, or open heart surgery!

“Tasky. Tasky… Taaaasky—“ 

There was a snap and Wade could only guess it was the sound of Tony’s jaw breaking due to clenching it so hard, or he’d crushed the remote. 

Nope, it was the remote. 

“What Wilson? What do you want? You wanna go play catch, want me to take you to the damn park and throw a stick? I’m not your babysitter and I’m sure as hell not here to amuse you. Shouldn’t you be off humping the leg of your big metal lover boy rather than mine?” Taskmaster turned his head up, gesturing with the broken control in a menacing fashion, eyes narrowed behind the white kevlar of his mask. 

“We’re in the middle of a divorce I’ll have you know. He gets the kids, I get the car… I figure it’s a fair trade.” Wade crawled over the back of the couch to plant himself beside the other man, making sure to sit uncomfortably close just because he sort of enjoyed the way it made Tasky tense up, he could almost hear him scowl.

“That still doesn’t explain why you let yourself into my apartment to torment me.”

“They’re spraying my place for roaches.” 

Taskmaster cocked his head to the side, rolling his eyes upward and tossing the remote onto the coffee table. “It must be sad to lose your people to mass genocide like that.” 

“I though you were Jewish!”

“What?”

“I mean come on, you’re organized, you always have money, you like Lieberstein—and you look like Skeletor and I’m pretty sure Skeletor was Jewish.”

Tony opened his mouth then closed it again, knowing better than to feed the fire, sometime it was better if he didn’t try to follow Wade’s train of thought. 

“Wanna make out?”

Wade was pretty sure he could hear the sound of Tony’s brain breaking, and he couldn’t help but grin behind his mask.

“Leave.”

“It’ll be fun, and I brushed my teeth today.”

“Wade I swear to god…” 

“Besides I saw that copy of Broke Back Mountain in your DVD collection.”

“I’m serious Wilson, I—that doesn’t mean anything!”

Deadpool moved easily, swinging he leg up over Taskmaster’s lap so he settled on his knees facing him. Lifting a hand just in time to catch his fist before it came in painful busting contact with his jaw. Luckily Tony was still a little too stunned to attempt bucking him off yet.

“Anyway Sandi said you wouldn’t be averse to swinging both ways, the little minx. Can’t say I’m surprised, I’ve seen your wardrobe… that little purple number would make Prince pro—Oonnf!”

The kidney shot was cheap, but that’s what he got for forgetting that Tasky was ambidextrous… and a dirty cheater! Wade had to lean back to avoid the next swing that very nearly took off his head only to lose his balance as Tony shoved him off his lap and to the floor… or rather, into the coffee table and then the floor once it snapped cleanly under the force of his weight.

Wade peered up dizzily at the shadow that fell over him. “You know you’re sexy when you’re angry, I’m a little tu OW! Ow ow ooow, uncle! daddy! Peggy sue!” He was pretty sure that was his spleen trying to escape out from the back of his throat as Taskmaster planted a boot into his stomach. 

Joke was on him though, that gave him a leg to grab onto, pulling it out from under him and landing Tony on the floor as well, or at least partway onto the floor, part way onto the couch at an uncomfortable looking angle. Deadpool rolled to his side, yanking Tony down with him, snickering at the satisfying clank of his head against the ground. 

“So how bout it?”

It took Tony a moment to recover, eyes narrowed to slits before he closed them, sighing with a heave of chest, pushing himself up on his elbows. He dared to crack them open again, only to be met with Wade’s now unmasked face disturbingly close to his own as the leaned over him expectantly, looking (to Tony) like some sort of eager, ugly puppy. 

“You’re serious?”

“Never. But I am bored, and ol’ righty just ain’t treating me like it used to. The romance is gone, so I figure this is a good way to make it jealous.”

“You realize the very idea of this makes me physically ill, in fact I think I just vomited in my mouth a little just now.” 

Though Taskmaster didn’t protest when Wade settled astride his stomach, reaching to unhitch the catch of his mask, pulling it off and letting it clatter to the ground. “I can’t believe you wear this thing while at home watching TV, I bet you’re some kind of hideous beneath, like Cher’s kid from that movie Mask, or oh! Sloth from Goonies.” He was left with the slick black fabric of the under cowl, which he peeled up over the bridge of his nose, revealing dismayingly unflawed skin and lips like god damn Val Kilmer. “Oh fuck you, Tasky.” Wade shoved his mouth against Tony’s own scowling one, earning a bitten lip for his efforts.  
‘Pool tried again none the less, mouth slanting and at the very least he could wear him down once he needed to breathe. Which didn’t take too long really and Wade took full advantage of the draw of breath by promptly pushing his tongue into Tony’s mouth, fully expecting to loose it but instead only getting a exasperated grunt and a little less resistance.

He sort of tasted like that expensive Turkish coffee, kind of bittersweet and sharp and not entirely unpleasant; Wade pulled back, licking his own chapped lips, taking a small pleasure in the way Tony’s eyes had closed, his mouth open to catch his breath. Now would have been a good time to mock him for being gay, but he found it just as entertaining to lean in and lick across his bottom lip instead, easing into another kiss. It was almost pleasant too, until Tasky apparently found his second wind and they ended up clashing teeth instead—which turned into a headbutt and a busted nose, and then Wade was suddenly on his back with blood running down the back of his throat and Tony perched on top of him, rolling his cowl back down over the lower half of his face.

“You know usually I like to be on top, it’s a man status thing—besides I’m taller so it’s like, a rule or something. That and it was my idea, so: shot gun, called it!” 

“Not that I don’t appreciate discovering a way to shut you up for more than two seconds…”

“Nate uses ducktape.” 

Tony set his jaw, brow lifting in a very ‘I’m not sure I needed to know that’ manner before just shaking his head. 

“… But, we’re done here, so if you’d be so kind and get the fuck out of my apartment.”

“We could just cuddle.”

“No.”

“Can I at least stay and watch TV?”

Tony let out a sharp sigh, the corner of his mouth twitching into a frown. “Can you do that quietly?”

“What if I just talk during the commercials?”

“… Fine.” Taskmaster shifted back to stand, dusting off.

“You’re the best friend I never did like!” Deadpool rolled to his feet and plopped down onto the couch, stretching and lounging again before Tony joined him, on the opposite side, arms folded tightly across his chest. 

“Hey MacGuyver’s on. Did you ever see the one where he made the blowtorch out of a bicycle—“

“Wade.”

“… I’m shhhing… sheesh, crabby pants.”


	2. Chapter 2

The awkward position they’d ended up was perplexing to Tony. Somehow during the almost hypnotizing drone of late night infomercials, in the dull wash of light from the TV in an otherwise dark room; Wade had ended up with his head in his lap, his bored, gravelly chatter having tapered off an hour ago for slow, even breath. 

Taskmaster found that he had no lost love for the other merc, though he could stand his company at the best of times and almost trusted him to watch his back and he guessed that was the closest thing to friendship that was allowed in their line of work. Besides, he was amusing, at least when all that loud, unending wit wasn’t being directed towards him.

He dropped his hand atop that bald, disfigured head, expecting the texture of his skin to be as disgusting as it looked but instead finding it wasn’t too unlike the uneven consistency of melted wax if a little rougher in places. Curious he dragged his thumb over a discolored ridge and across his ear. It was still a little revolting but Tony couldn’t help but find that his morbid curiosity made over looking it easy. Must have been like how people could stand keeping those ugly, wrinkly hairless cats. 

“Come on Nate, five more minutes… I don’t even wanna go to school today.” Wade stretched and curled back up, turning his face to bury back against Tony’s thigh, breathing a puff of hot breath against the heavy fabric of his jeans.

Tony let his hand rest against the nape of his neck, absently thumbing the base of his skull in a soothing gesture, if only in attempt to keep him asleep. He liked him better quiet anyway.

A deep sigh of breath said otherwise though, and he could only roll his eyes at the impending barrage of conversation.

“You’re not planning on molesting my head, are you?”

Tony’s mouth twitched. “No.”

“Oh.” And Wade almost sounded disappointed; he rolled to his back, regarding Taskmaster with a sleepy sort of puppy-dog brown gaze, yawning.

“I had a dream that you were Joseph Stalin and I was Batman and we had to team up to get the Crystal Skull back from the Aliens, only you wanted to use it for your death laser, and I wanted to return it to a museum, because the people deserve something like that to look at because mummies get pretty boring, and what’s so great about dinosaur bon—mmf.” 

Tony had clasped his hand over Deadpool’s mouth, turning his gaze back towards the television.

“Mmfha ikk oor aand.”

He jerked his hand away at a hot sweep of tongue across his palm, face twisting into a look of disgust. “What?”

“I said ‘ Imma lick your hand.” 

“Yeah, I gathered that.” He reached down to wipe his hand off on the front of Wade’s shirt, ignoring the sound of protest and returning his attention to the show. Not quite sure what he’d been watching, photographic memory aside, Deadpool was too much of a distraction. 

It was actually quiet for a minute, though likely because Wade’s attention was focused on the Girls Gone Wild commercial. 

“So anything you’ve seen, you can do, right?”

“Duh.”

Wade tipped his head back to look up at him again.

“So say you’ve been watching porn…” 

Siiiigh! “Hypothetically. Anything I’ve seen.” 

“Cool. So how come you’re not some wild sex machine? I mean, that would drive ladies wild wouldn’t it? You don’t have a tiny penis do you? Oh my god, that’s probably it! No wonder you’re more like a hermit than a playboy! I mean, you’d think, with all the money you have you’d be rolling in chicks!”

“I’m going to kill you. Right. Now.” Tony’s words clipped. Wade hardly had the chance to sit up before he ended up with hands around his throat. He bucked, kicking out and rolling while trying not to get elbow dropped or sleeper held or whatever arsenal of cheap wrestling moves Taskmaster had stored up. 

“Unf! It’s okay to admit! Everyone has something to compensate for!”

“Shut up!”

“I mean, I should have guessed with that sexy car of yours.”

“Shut up, Wade.” 

“Or that Captain America fetish—ow!” 

They ended up in a tangle of limbs, half sunk into the back of the couch where the cushions had slipped forward, Tony with the apparent upper hand, or at least on top, though he’d frozen in place due to Wade’s hand thrust down the front of his pants, a look of concentration on his face.

He almost seemed disappointed a moment later. “Huh. So what’s the problem then?”

“You know some people prefer actual relationships over a quick piece of ass, and I don’t think I have to explain to you how dangerous those are in our profession… please let go of my dick.” 

Wade did as he was asked, a sour look crossing his face. “You know relationships aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. I mean it’s nice at first, but then the nagging starts and the ‘pick up after yourself’ and the ‘I’m too busy for you’ and the ‘bodyslide by two, lol pentagon!’—and next thing you know they’re all up on some albino chick and you’ve been kicked out of the country!” 

“… I’m not even going to ask.” 

“Do you have any beer?” 

“Is this going to turn into a drunken therapy session?”

“You don’t mind do you?”

“… in the fridge.”


End file.
